Regrets

There were times when I have the opportunity to talk to you,
I should have just grab the chance.
But I didn't.
Now I regretted it.
Very much.
I really miss you when you are not around anymore.
I wanted to say, I love you mum.
Always.

17th January.

17th January.

We remember the date clearly.

It was your birthday.

We've bought you flowers and lit some candles.

We've placed the flowers whereas you wish it to be.

We prayed that you will always protect us, like a guardian angel.

We want to wish you, Happy birthday.

And say, Mama. We love you always.

The 100th Day...

I've been thinking a lot lately,
Yes, Thinking of you almost everyday,
Until I nearly lost count of the 100th day,
And tomorrow... is that the 100th day. 

Thinking of seeing you again in my dream tonight. 
Like how Zing told me she dreamt of you walking by. 
Recalling back to the dream I dreamt of when I slept right beside you and held your hands tight. 
In that dream, you were wearing the pink blouse and a blue long pant.
With that smile on your face...
Waving goodbye to me before you disappeared. 

I hope you will come into my dreams again.
And tell me you are doing fine. 
Tell me, you love me too. 
Tell me more like how you usually do, before you wave goodbye and walk away. 

I know i've been hoping too much. 
I know I've been thinking of you too much. 
I know that, but with this little hope, I hope God will grant my prayer.
That is to be able to see you and to be with you again for one last time in my dream tonight. 

I really miss you. 
You know I do. 
You know we all do. 
And we always will. 
For we all know, you miss us too.
I love you, mama.  

I Will Always Love You.

Everyday,

I asked for God to light the way,

May God light the way and free her pain,

And God did light the way for my mother.

I slept beside her and held her hand,

She came into my dream and called my name,

She looked at me with a smile and said goodbye,

I said goodbye too, knowing that I could no longer hold your hand.

Zing played the song, "In the arms of an angel" ,

May the song give you the comfort,

"It is okay to let go" kept repeating in my heart,

And may you go in love and peace.

She once told me, "Do not weep for me when I'm gone",

The moment you let go of your last breathe,
I tried my best to hold my tears and prayed,
And I thanked God for coming and leading you home.

I will always love you, mama...

and

May God hold you tight in the palm of His hand.

Nothing.

I don't know how I feel,

My feelings just stop feeling anything that hits me right now.

Singing my lullaby...

LOL...

I say, "Boo! Boo! Boo!"

Thanks to Bel, Emily learned something new and has been practicing her newly discovered talent!

It's Emily again....!

Today, after work, I went popo house. Spent a few hours with Emily. She is very active today. She just woke up and was in a good mood for screaming! Yeah... she just discovered her new talent. Screaming "aaaaaarrr" at whoever she saw, and waiting for your responds and eye-contact. Kids nowadays are very smart!

Emily: What? Never see a baby chewing a carrot before, huh?

Emily: Yeah baybeh! Smoking!

Emily: Aaaaar!!!!! Stupid carrot! This is not fun!!!

Emily: Wassup, doc??!

Emily: I'm the boss! What you want???

That's all for today. Will upload more next time. :)

All about Emily...

This goddaughter of mine called Emily. She is now 7 months and a half; a very active baby... take a look yourself with the pictures below:

Emily: I like to watch tv. I wonder how they get into the box...

Emily: Gahaha... this thing has a funny sound! I like!

Hammering is fun. 

But only caught her attention for a few minutes. 

She likes something new and fun everyday... *sweat* 

Emily: How does my hair look today? 

Emily: Oii! You! Here!! Now!!! ( I can be as 'samseng' as I want! )

Emily: Can you please release this belt and 'bao bao' (carry) me?

Okay... I went a wee-bit obsess with Emily. Better stop here now. Will update again when I have the internet connection again.  ^o^

I Miss My Emily!

Just uploaded some recent pictures from my phone and camera. Not that I don't blog, just that I couldn't find the time to blog and upload pictures to my blog. 

Today, finally, I have internet connection and spending some time at Coffee Bean; facebook-ing, checking and replying e-mails, MSN, updating my phone and my macbook pro...! 

While waiting for software update, I was browsing through the pictures on my phone, all I have taken were pictures of Emily. Haven't been spending time with Emily, I kinda miss her a lot... I mean A LOT!!!!!!!!!

Emily fell asleep while eating...

teething period. Emily is very obsessed with biscuit. Do not try to take it away from her or else, she'll scream at ya!

She looked more like a Korean boy in this pose... haha

From left: Belinda, Chin Chin, Me, Ali, Shikondar, Elizabeth & Adrienne.

went to Shazana's Production House during our trip to Brunei...

group photo with the production crew

I missed the "old time" at Shazana's. The studio, the editing suites, the equipment, the cars, and the people. Everything about Shazana's. And most of the people that I used to work with, were not working there anymore... except Ali and Shikondar. They both are still with Shazana's and they are like my big brothers who looked after me at Shazana's. 

Baby Emily

panda's tickle tickle!

just taken this afternoon, after Uncle Voon tickled her....

blur*

Emily's rolls-royce

Capture the moment...

Flying off the coast...

the glaring sun....

enjoying the seclusion...

A cool rider and a nervous flier...

the last to leave...

A Day To Remember...

My grandma and I

22nd of May is a day to remember,

As I said my little prayers for you,

I heard you whisper,

"I'm always there with you."

Little ZoZo

Zozo's favourite pose...

Me & Zozo...

Zozo innocent look...

Zozo at home...

Zozo getting tired....

Zozo watching tv...

Zozo is now 7 weeks old male poodle & bichon mixed puppy. He eats very little, plays hard and sleeps hard too. A very soft and gentle character puppy.

I Love You

For you I wrote this poem,
To remind me how much you have loved me,
Though as a kid I was a troublesome,
But I'm blessed to have you in my life.

You are my sunshine,
And you will always be,
My love for you will never fade,
For you will always be the only one.

I think of you every single day,
Longing for your presence,
Because you have made my day,
Brighter than the sun.

For so many years that have long gone,
Tears still filled up my eyes,
Because 13 years ago,
I watched you breathed your last breathe.

That day you went away,
Gone forever with no goodbyes,
I have always wanted to say,
"Granny, I love you."

The Great Pretender

Music & Lyrics by: Buck Ram


Oh yes, Im the great pretender,
Pretending that Im doing well,
My need is such I pretend too much,
I'm lonely but no one can tell.

Oh yes, Im the great pretender,
Adrift in a world of my own,
I play the game but to my real shame,
You left me to dream all alone.

Too real is this feeling of make believe,
Too real when I feel when my heart can't conceive.

Oh, yes, Im the great pretender,
Just laughing and gay like a clown,
I seem to be what Im not, you see,
I'm wearing my heart like a crown,
Pretending that you're still around.

Too real is this feeling of make believe,
Too real when I feel when my heart can't conceive.

Oh, yes, Im the great pretender,
Just laughing and gay like a clown,
I seem to be what Im not, you see,
I'm wearing my heart like a crown,
Pretending that you're still around.

Discovery

Into the wilderness I venture,
Gathering my thoughts together,
At Ranchan's waterfall front,
The stream and I become one.

In the oneness we flew,
Trying hard to make it through.

Along the way obstacles block,
The pain I felt when crushing rocks,
There is no choice but to carry on,
For this is the only way to look upon.

Making my way through each day,
The open sea surely I will reach one day...

A Song That Tells It All...

Akhirnya Kecewa
Copyright © 2004 Juliana S.T. Yong

Ku rasa
Hidup kekosongan
Ku rasa
Hidup kesepian
Setelah
Kau pergi dariKu, sayang

Mengapa
Perpisahan yang Kau pinta
Sedang dulu Kau beri cinta
Kau buat Ku rasa kecewa
Ku merana

Inikah
Balasan setia Kau beri
Kau calarkan hati ini
Kau biarKu lalui sendiri
Mungkinkah
Ini dugaan Mu Tuhan
Ku cuba terima semua
Walau pilu hati Ku terasa
Ku pasrah segala

Mungkin silap Aku juga
Tak sedari Kau berpura
Ku curah kasih setia
Sepenuh jiwa dan raga
Akhirnya Ku yang kecewa

Ku rasa
Hidup kekosongan
Ku rasa
Hidup kesepian
Setelah
Kau pergi dariKu, sayang

Mengapa
Perpisahan yang Kau pinta
Sedang dulu Kau beri cinta
Kau buat Ku rasa kecewa
Ku merana

Inikah
Balasan setia Kau beri
Kau calarkan hati ini
Kau biarKu lalui sendiri
Mungkinkah
Ini dugaan Mu Tuhan
Ku cuba terima semua
Walau pilu hati Ku terasa
Ku pasrah segala

Mungkin silap Aku juga
Tak sedari Kau berpura
Ku curah kasih setia
Sepenuh jiwa dan raga
Akhirnya Ku yang kecewa

Ku rasa
Hidup kekosongan
Ku rasa
Hidup kesepian
Setelah
Kau pergi dariKu, sayang

Mengapa
Perpisahan yang Kau pinta
Sedang dulu Kau beri cinta
Kau buat Ku rasa kecewa
Ku merana

It Was Just A Dream

I dreamed of a dream so true,
I saw the angel with my own eyes,
The wings were spread open wide,
And offered to take me for a ride.

I rode with the angel,
And reached the heaven's gate,
What I saw was not what I've imagined,
The heavens so full of love and care.

As I woke up the next morning,
I realised that it was just a dream,
A dream that was so lovely,
But in reality it was a lie.

This dream I had it's called love,
A love that was long gone,
What's left for me is the memory that is there,
What's sad is that I don't even want to remember more.